Baby Born In a McDonalds Toilet

Vancouver, Washington
A McDonalds employee gave birth to a six pound baby boy while working the night shift at a Vancouver McDonalds last week.
The woman ran into the bathroom after complaining of feeling ill. According to a co-worker, she gave birth while in the toilet stall. The new mother said she hadn't even known she was pregnant.

This kid is bound to have a pretty good life, I mean, things can only get better after being born in a McDonalds toilet.

Click here for the video

Only 2 Years Left !!!

With 2008 upon us and 2010 around the corner, There is cause for concern. I'm not talking about Dooms Day predictions, terrorist attacks or Global Warming. My major concern is for the companies that produce novelty New Year's Glasses.

The two zeros in the middle of the year 2000 gave companies the perfect opportunity to convert the year into a hilarious accessory. For the last 8 years we've seen people wearing these glasses with reckless abandon, showing no concern that the end was so near. Now that 2010 is just 2 years away, I say wear your stupid New Years glasses, wear them proudly! Before you know it, the number 1 will force Novelty New Years Glasses Manufacturers(take a breath) out of business....forever!!!...until the year 2999.

It's Friday!!!

Hey Strongman, Make Yourself Useful

I came across one of those "World's Strongest Man" competitions on ESPN 2 last night. Although the feats of strength performed were impressive, I couldn't help but wonder why the competitors don't put their superhuman strength towards a more useful purpose. I mean, carrying a 400 pound boulder is cool, but helping someone move a Grand Piano into their new house is cool AND useful. C'mon Magnus, use your head!

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Vince at Sea

This is Vince, his mother calls him Vincent. Vince is a limo driver. He went to check out an Army/Navy store on his lunch break and picked up this bitchin' hat. Who's gonna tell him it looks ridiculous? Not me.

What a steal!

For those of you who still don't know what to get that special someone for Christmas, Pathmark has an excellent deal on "Leather" jackets...why not treat yourself to one too, you can't beat these prices!

Lost In Translation?

This is some signage over the television series DVDs at BestBuy. Does the accent over the "o" really make a difference? I highly doubt a Spanish speaking person is not going to understand the difference between TELEVISION and TELEVISIO'N...aye dios mio!

Not So Tough Anymore

There's something about holding a bunch of balloons that can take the toughness out of anyone. Below are more examples of some notorious tough guys holding balloons...they don't look so tough now.

It's Friday!!!

AirMall, haven for the world's most useless products

If you've ever been on an airplane there's a chance you've seen a magazine called AirMall. AirMall is filled with some of the world's most useless products. Pictured above is the NECKpro Traction Device. If there's any medical procedure I'd like to perform on myself, its treating my damaged vertibrae...so what if I paralyze myself, healthcare is expensive these days!

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Earl The Bowling Champ

This is Earl. He lives in Tampa and is part of the local senior bowling league. His high score is a 253...or so he says.

Odd Infomercial

It's Friday!!!

It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!

There's only one sure sign that the Holidays are upon us...The 3 Flavor Popcorn Tin!!! I'm never convinced it's The Holiday Season until I see one. These 3 popcorn flavors are great individually, but when combined into one 5 gallon tin, they become a transcendant snack that blurs the time between Christmas and the end of January (That's usually how long it takes to finish one).

Though, I do feel bad sometimes. Most people play favorites with either the butter or cheese flavors. Meanwhile, the poor Caramel popcorn is left for last like that kid with the lazy eye in your 5th grade gym class.

Save The Date - Friday December 21

Bonds has his day in court

Barry Bonds appeared at a San Francisco federal court this past Friday. In his first appearance in court since he was indicted on Nov. 15, Bonds pleaded not guity to perjury and obstruction of justice charges stemming from the BALCO Steroids case. If convicted, Bonds could face up to 30 months in prison. Judging from the courtroom artist's rendering above, Barry should have no problem proving he didn't lie about doing steroids.

It's Friday!!!

Every Friday FlyingRatNYC will post a "Crank It Up Homes" image. To participate, send your "It's Friday, Crank It Up Homes" JPEG (400 pixels wide Max) to ddacosta1@gmail.com

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Teenage Douche Bag

This is Chad, you can find him in the food court of your local mall or working at an Abercrombe and Fitch . He enjoys wearing sunglasses in-doors and text messaging while in mid conversation.

SnackWatch Issue 2 Vol. 3

It's the most wonderful time of they year, and whether you're lighting the Menorah or plugging in the Christmas tree there's one thing that unifies us all...SNACKS!!!

We're all familiar with the Naughty vs. Nice method of gift giving during the holiday season. Well, if you have a tight budget like I do, Snacks are a great gift to give without breaking the bank. There are a few treacherous snacks in the vending machine for your naughty friends, and some perfectly pleasant snacks for your friends that have been nice.

SNACKS FOR NICE BOYS AND GIRLS:
If your buddies behaved themselves this year, these snacks will show them how much you appreaciate them.

Keebler's Soft Batch Cookies - ¢85
A perftect gift for the holidays, in fact, Santa is said to stock the snack machine in his toy factory with ONLY Soft batch cookies. Plus they come in a nice red package...so there's no need to gift wrap them!

Twix - ¢80
Twix are a great gift to give someone if you're hungy, because there are two in each package. Just give your friend a sad, hungry look as you hand them the Twix. Your thoughtfulness will obligate them to share with you.

Cheeze-Its - ¢55
I can't say enough good things about Cheeze-Its. The taste and cost effectivness of this snack are sure go over well. If someone was EXTRA nice this year, you can give them White Cheddar Cheeze-Its...its the gift worthy of a king. In fact, in some versions of the Bible, the Three wise men are said to have brought Gold, Frankensense, and Cheeze-Its to the Baby Jesus.


SNACKS FOR NAUGHTY BOYS AND GIRLS:
If your homeboys/girls were straight trippin' this year, here's what to get them.

Crunch N' Munch - ¢55
Now, you might say Crunch N' Much is too good for someone that's been naughty, and I'd usually agree with you. The Peanut/Caramel/PopCorn medley is a delicioius triple threat...but, most people fail to realize, snack machine Crunch N' Munch is notoriously cheap on Peanuts. The recipient of this gift will be so filled with disappointment, that your message will be lout and clear...."You sucked this year!"

Twix - 80¢
Yes, I know, I listed this as a "Nice" gift, but Twix can be a delicious double edged sword. If you give your friend a Twix, sans the afor mentioned "sad, hungry" look, they'll most likely eat both of them. This increases the chance of them having caramel strings unknowlingly hang off of their chin, leading them to look like a complete fool...NAUGHTY!!!

White Castle Burger - $1.50
From the frozen snacks machine, this is for that EXTRA naughty person in your life, be it your Boss, Co-Worker, or Parole Officer. The White Castle Burger is known as the gift that keeps giving...meaning, along with the Burger you should also give your friend Pepto Bismol and a pair of Depends.

SNACKWATCH CHALLENGE:
Complete the SnackWatch crossword challenge for a chance to win a $1.00 SnackWatch gift certificate to the vending machine of your choice. CLICK HERE to download the crossword.

Congratulations to Alicia Korney for winning last issue's SnackWatch Challenge.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this dumb-ass newsletter, send an email to ddacosta1@gmail.com

2 Girls 1 Cup Reaction Video

Flying the (Way too)Friendly Skies

On a flight to Miami last week, I had the good fortune of getting an empty seat next to me. Well, that good fortune was erased when my row neighbor decided to use that empty seat as a foot rest...Naturally I had to take pictures while he was asleep.

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - NYC Cab Driver

This is Vlad, he's a New York City Cabbie. You can find him either talking on his hands free cell phone in a foreign language or hacking a loogie out the window of his cab. If you catch him on a good day, he might nod his head slightly when you tell him your destination.

Lost Superbowl Ad for Dove Soap

Tragedy!!!! and, oh yeah...its Thanksgiving

I saw this newspaper at a 7-Eleven. Are death and destruction more important than Happy Holiday wishes? Who ever is running this paper is one Morbid M-F'er

Happy Thanksgetting

Why is it that Black Friday sales keep starting earlier and earlier? Last year, "Door Buster" sales started at 5 A.M., this year, everybody is advertising sales starting at 4 A.M.. At this pace, in a few years, Black Friday sales will start somewhere in between the Candied Yams and my Grandfather unbuttoning his pants on the couch. Maybe we should skip Thanksgiving dinner all together and just wait in line at Wal Mart to save $20 on a laptop.

Proteck Ya Neck!

If your family is like mine, after Thanksgiving dinner, each family member says what he/she is thankful for. The obvious answer is always “Family” or “Health”...but that’s too easy. I thought I’d list some of the more overlooked things to be thankful for.

Anti-Smoking Laws:
While I personally don't care what someone does to their own health, I do care about smoking's effect on ME. I'm not even talking about the major issues like second hand smoke...or even third hand (I've never seen this done, but I assume there's a way). Smoking used to affect me most when it was allowed in bars and clubs. Now that its banned, I don’t smell like The Marlboro Man’s ass when I get home from going out. Another plus of the smoking ban is that I can wear that same outfit to church on Sunday morning that I was wearing while rubbing up on some hoochie on Saturday night...Praise the Lord!

Getting Older:
More specifically being above the legal drinking age. I remember all the “creative” and “smart” ways my friends and I used to either get alcohol, or get into somewhere alcohol was being served(Why would an Indian kid have a Vermont driver’s license?). We take it for granted now that we’re “of age”. I remember hearing the Mission Impossible theme in my head every time my friends and I hatched some crazy scheme to score some booze....Is anybody else in the mood for some Boone’s Farms Strawberry Malt Wine?

Remote Control:
There’s only one thing I love more than watching TV, and that’s being lazy. Whoever invented the remote control should be canonized as a saint. I can’t imagine having to get up and walk to the television every time I wanted to change the channel. That’s at least 3 or 4 feet...which doesn’t seem like much, but when you add it up over your life time, its long enough to walk to the moon and back (don’t quote me on that). Now if they could only invent a voice command remote control, we could get all that tedious button pushing out of the way.

Top 3 Unintentionally Funny Movie Moments

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Indian ESPN Analyst

This is Sandabar Paravishnu, the first Indian ESPN Analyst. He's mostly seen on ESPN 9, covering Cricket games and Kabaddi (Don't know what Kabaddi is? Click on the image above to find out)

Gov't Tax Probing Derek Jeter

New York-- The New York State Government is after Derek Jeter for money owed in back taxes. Jeter wrongfully claimed Florida residency when he actually spends most of his time in New York. Florida residents don't have to pay income tax. The suit could possibly cost Jeter millions.

Damn Derek, you better hit up your boyfriend A-Rod for some cash.

SnackWatch Issue 1 Vol. 3

So, where was I...?

SnackWatch is back and more mediocre than ever! Its been a while, and there have been lots of new and exciting changes in Snack land, so let's get this show on the road.

NEW ZONES!
First and foremost the biggest change to our beloved snack machine has been the sky rocketing prices. Long gone are the days where two quarters and a dream could buy you a tasty snack and an excuse to walk away from your desk.
The prices have been re-zoned my friends so you better get familiar with it...and take out a loan.

¢55 cent zone:
Various chips, pretzels ect.
This is good for those on an intern's or entry level salary, venturing to any higher zones could force you to wear dirty underwear due to lack of laundry quarters. This zone is also a safe haven for pretzel lovers. There are now 5 different variations of pretzels in the snack machine, varying from classic, to stick, nugget, and even jumbo form. Those pretzel engineers in Germany have WAY too much time on their hands.

¢80/¢85 cent zones:
Candy, "Healthy" snacks, Combos
Mostly managers and embezzlers frequent this zone. If you happen to be cursed with a sweet tooth, you better start putting in some overtime. The price jump from ¢75 to ¢80/¢85 has hit all the chocolate fiends pretty hard. No wonder there have been several beatings reported in and around the snack machine area lately. If you're considering skipping lunch, you might find something to hold you over until dinner here.

$1.00/$1.25 zone:
Microwavable items, large baked goods, gourmet chips, Random
If you're not the CEO of the company, your eyes will start burning should you dare to look at any of these pricey snacks. Most days I don't even spend $1.25 on lunch, let alone a snack, but that's the beauty of this otherwise bankrupting zone...you can actually purchase lunch worthy food here! $1.25 can transport you back to your college freshman days...Rhamen noodles anyone? How about some Chef Boyardee? All I need is a black light and lava lamp at my desk and I'm set.

SNACKWATCH SNACK PICK OF THE WEEK
With all the shake-ups going on in the Snack world, its been hard to find a new favorite. These days snacks come and go like Britney Spears meltdowns. Long gone are the days of White Cheddar Cheeze-Its. As of late I've come to rely on something saltier and greasier to get me through that pre-lunch/post-breakfast purgatory...Cape Cod chips! Some say 11AM is too early to eat greasy chips...I say, screw that, I'm hungry!!!

SNACKWATCH CHALLENGE
In honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, leave a comment telling me what snack you are most thankful for and why. The best 5 responses will win a ¢50 SnackWatch gift certificate to the snack machine of your choice...And yes, I know the cheapest snacks in the machine are ¢55 now...but who am I, Bill Gates??

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this dumb-ass news letter, send an email to ddacosta1@gmail.com

Bored With Regular TV?

Worst Store Name EVER

Now, I'm no business major, but I think putting a little more effort into picking a name for your street fair store would be a good idea. Anybody shopping here has some pretty low standards. In fact this is probably where that cheap Aunt of yours will be doing her Christmas shopping this year. You'll know exactly where she got your cheap ass gift, because the first thing you'll say when you open it up is "hmmm...interesting".

Jeff Foxworthy: Tearing Families Apart

I just found out that there's a home version of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader". Now I can honestly say that Jeff Foxworthy is trying to tear American Families apart. I can just see it now, a nice family brings this game home thinking it'll be a great time. When the father doesn't know the answer to one of the questions, his son starts laughing at him.

Son: Haha, dad, you don't know what a Rhombus is? I'm smarter than you!

Dad: Of course I don't remember what a Rhombus is, I'm too busy trying to pay the bills and put clothes on your back you little bastard.

The daughter starts crying in the corner as the dad flips over the table

Mom: Jeff Foxworthy is tearing this family apart!!!

End of Scene

P.S. Why the hell is Jeff Foxworthy hosting this? Isn't he the redneck comic? I'm surprised he knows how to read the cue cards on the show.

Michael Buffer's Home Renovation Plans

Milkcrate Classic- If You Think It (You May As Well Do It)

Who said I never did anything for you? Here's a great track by The Emotions sampled on Verbal Intercourse from Raekwon's Cuban Linx album.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/48122749f3f8fe/

NBA Cultural Assimilation

Mean Girls

During a High School trip to a St. Louis Cardinals game, a girl was humiliated when one of her classmates had a message saying that she had an STD posted on the Stadium message board.

The girl(who shall remain nameless) was so embarrassed that she had to stop going to school for the rest of the semester AND take her finals in the school office. The mother of the prank victim is suing the St. Louis Cardinals for $25,000.

This is one of the funniest stories EVER. It just shows you how evil highschool girls can be. Infact, I think High School girls are quite possibly the largest source of evil in the world, fuck the Taliban. Maybe the U.S. should send a group of bitchy highschool girls to the Middle East to fight terrorism with rumor spreading and catty comments.

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Goldfish Man

His name is Gary, He used to rotate tires at Midas until he got caught stealing out of the cash register. He said he was set up, but security footage clearly showed him stealing $16 dollars...He later admitted to a severe Jolly Rancher addiction. Since getting fired he's jumped around from job to job. Currently he's the mascot for Jimmy's Fish and Chipery in Lodi, New Jersey

Wack Timbs On My Feet Makes My Cypher Complete..?

You are looking at what has to be THE worst pair of Timberland boots known to man. I saw these at Daffy's yesterday and had to take a picture. I can't imagine anyone seeing these and saying "I have to have them!" Who the hell is running things at Timberland these days? I can only think of a handfull of people who would ever wear these:

1) Subway Conductors: If somebody asks them for directions they can just kick the person in the face and show them where to go

2) Tourists: Most likely someone from Europe who thinks these boots are the epitomy of New York fashion. I can just hear it now..."Hey Yuri, check out my cool New York boots"

3) Outsiders: We all knew that kid in highschool who was just behind the fashion curve. Kinda awkward and desparate for acceptance. Back when I was in highschool that kid tried to wear ski googles to class just after that stupid trend died out. Now adays That same kid would wear these boots...cuz hey, they're Timberlands, right?