Monday, November 19, 2007

Proteck Ya Neck!

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If your family is like mine, after Thanksgiving dinner, each family member says what he/she is thankful for. The obvious answer is always “Family” or “Health”...but that’s too easy. I thought I’d list some of the more overlooked things to be thankful for.

Anti-Smoking Laws:
While I personally don't care what someone does to their own health, I do care about smoking's effect on ME. I'm not even talking about the major issues like second hand smoke...or even third hand (I've never seen this done, but I assume there's a way). Smoking used to affect me most when it was allowed in bars and clubs. Now that its banned, I don’t smell like The Marlboro Man’s ass when I get home from going out. Another plus of the smoking ban is that I can wear that same outfit to church on Sunday morning that I was wearing while rubbing up on some hoochie on Saturday night...Praise the Lord!

Getting Older:
More specifically being above the legal drinking age. I remember all the “creative” and “smart” ways my friends and I used to either get alcohol, or get into somewhere alcohol was being served(Why would an Indian kid have a Vermont driver’s license?). We take it for granted now that we’re “of age”. I remember hearing the Mission Impossible theme in my head every time my friends and I hatched some crazy scheme to score some booze....Is anybody else in the mood for some Boone’s Farms Strawberry Malt Wine?

Remote Control:
There’s only one thing I love more than watching TV, and that’s being lazy. Whoever invented the remote control should be canonized as a saint. I can’t imagine having to get up and walk to the television every time I wanted to change the channel. That’s at least 3 or 4 feet...which doesn’t seem like much, but when you add it up over your life time, its long enough to walk to the moon and back (don’t quote me on that). Now if they could only invent a voice command remote control, we could get all that tedious button pushing out of the way.

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