Monday, June 30, 2008

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Who Needs A Girlfriend If You Have A Grilled Cheese With Bacon?

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Being a single guy in New York City can be tough sometimes. There's a prominent dating culture that surrounds you. With all the bars and restaurants lining the streets you can pretty much see a date going on at all times. To a person that's single, it can be quite disconcerting if you're not jumping into the flow of the dating river as well. The whole point of all this dating is to find that special someone that makes you feel awesome every time you see them. Well, I've found that feeling...it's been sitting under my nose the whole time too!

I realized this when I paid a visit to my neighborhood diner this Sunday. When my roomate's order of two eggs, over-easy with hash browns and toast was placed in front of her, she gushed, "I love this, its EXACTLY what I want!" I felt the same way when the waitress handed me my Grilled Cheese with bacon, tomato and fries. If I could find a girl to say that about, I'd be happy...but until then, Grilled Cheese and bacon it is.

Who Is This Guy?

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On occasion I like to peruse the Google image data base for random characters. Meet Randy. Although he may look like the type of guy that would show up to your house with a 6 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and a box of condoms, you can't ever judge a book by it's cover.

Click here to find out more about Randy.

Friday, June 27, 2008

It's Friday!!!

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Home Decor 101

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When choosing a piece of artwork to decorate your home, there's no better place to look than New York City. Some may call it a mecca of modern art. People come from all over the world to marvel at our priceless charcoal drawings of 50 Cent. Maybe a tandem portrait of Dale Earnhardt Jr. and his late father is just the piece you've needed to class up that shed out yonder. If it's drama you're after, look no further than the "Naked African Couple Embracing" series. You can't miss with these modern master pieces, but act quick, there's only several thousand art dealers in Battery Park willing to part with these treasures. Cash only please.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

72 Virgins...Not Always A Good Thing

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It's a common belief that when an suicide bomber dies, he receives 72 virgins when he gets to heaven. Thats cool...if you're a dude, but what if your a female suicide bomber? Maybe this is why there aren't so many women lining up to become martyrs.

Click here for the full virgin experience

Monday, June 23, 2008

Friday, June 20, 2008

Yabba-Dabba-Doin' It Up

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With gas prices so high these days, everybody's trying to find a way to save money on transportation. Hybrid cars are all the rage, but sticker prices are still a little too high and mechanics have limited capabilities to service these cars. Little did we know that Fred Flintsone had the solution to the gas crisis years ago. Who needs gas when you have your feet?! All you have to do is get a couple of friends with heavily callused feet to tag along with you everywhere you go. You'll never have to pay for gas again!

It's Friday!!!

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Baby Born With Extra Penis...On His BACK!!!

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A baby boy with an extra penis on his back was born to a rural Chinese farmer this week. The father immediately rushed the baby to a near-by hospital to have the penis removed. Doctors removed the penis successfully and said the baby was recovering following the surgery.

I always say there are two sides to every coin. I think the doctors probably should have weighed these options before going through with the surgery.

Positive

Giving girls piggie back rides will be awesome

You can always tell whether he's coming or going

He could become the inventor of the new sexual position "96-ing"

Negative

He can't wear mesh tank tops to church

Giving himself a pat on the back might be considered lude and lascivious behavior

Everybody that sits behind him in class will know when he's thinking about last night's episode of "Baywatch"

Click here for the full story.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Yankees Pitcher Chein-Ming Wang Injured

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The New York Yankees have an injured WANG. Apparently the injured WANG occurred while playing on a field with a bunch of sweaty men. It should take about 6 weeks for the WANG to get back to its healthy state. Until then, they'll have to find someone else to handle their balls.

Click here for full story

Monday, June 16, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Three White Boys Gettin' Silly

This is what happens when a unique underground art form gets packaged and sold to a mass audience with no regard for artistic integrity.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The China Town Bus To Philadelphia

I was invited by my friend Dennis to go to The Roots concert this past weekend in Philadelphia. We decided to take the good ol' $10 China Town Bus because we didn't feel like taking out a $6 million dollar loan to fill up his car with gas. Yup, thats right, $10 and a high immune system will get you from NYC to Philadelphia in just under 2 hours.

Dennis, his girlfriend Kristin, and I, met in a small alley way of China Town. A stout Chinese woman politely screamed at us, "Where would you like to go?" I was impressed with how violently efficient the customer service was. Before we could reply, she shoved three tickets to Philadelphia in our faces. How'd she know we were going to Philly? It must've been the "I Love Cheese Steaks" fanny pack I had on.

The ticket lady ushered us towards the VIP waiting area and the bus showed up shortly there after.

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We settled into our seats and prepared for an nice smooth ride to The City of Brotherly Love. Just as I finished covering every inch of the seat with hand sanitizer the same helpful Chinese woman exploded onto the bus and scolded us for getting on the wrong bus. Apparently she mistakenly put us on the bus headed towards Washington D.C., which would have made my "I Love Cheese Steaks" fanny pack WAY more embarrassing.

okay, okay, I don't actually own an "I Love Cheese Steaks" fanny pack, but I really do love cheese steaks, and if a fanny pack saying that actually existed...I might consider buying it.

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We shuffled off the bus and hurried toward another line up the block that was supposedly waiting for the Philly bus. A quick assessment of the line showed a mix of all types headed in the same direction as us. Old Chinese couples, college aged kids, young black families, and Yuppies like us were all taking advantage of the cheap fare.

While waiting online for the bus I noticed a group of three thugged out homeboys. By "thugged out" I mean one of them looked like Michael Vick...without money. As I stared, I noticed a figure sashaying towards the group. Long flowing hair, glossy lips, and a walk that would put any top model to shame. The only catch.... was that it was a dude. I can't imagine what was going through the homeboys mind as the fabulousity strutted their way. Wearing skin tight jeans and more neon than a highlighter factory, our fierce figure directed a loud "haaaaaaayyyy yaaaaaallll!" at the homeboys. The homeboys turned, glared, and burst into a welcoming "Heeeeeeeeeyyyyy boyyyyyyyyy!!!"...woah, I haven't seen that much toe pointing and back arching since A.C. Slater cut a rug at The Max on Saved By The Bell.



That's what I love about China Town Bus, you never know what to expect. One second I think they're about to shoot a Mobb Depp video, the next I'm exposed to a part of the Gay community I had never seen before. Who knew?

After that unexpected episode, the line for the bus slowly starts piling in. As I get closer to the bus I hear a fight break out. The closer I get to the bus the louder the yelling gets. When I approach the bus door I see the bus driver making attempts at cursing in English at a dreadlocked man who has apparently "touched" him. This argument was definitely propelled by the fact that neither of the men understood what the hell the other person was saying. In an argument between a man with a heavy Chinese accent and a man with a heavy Jamaican accent, there's only one true winner.....Everybody listening!!! Once again the China Town bus provides cheap fare, AND excellent entertainment. They really should be charging more for this.

After 5 minutes of cursing under his breath in Chinese at the Jamaican man, the bus driver closes the door of the half filled bus and we're on our way. As we wind through the narrow China Town streets towards the Holland Tunnel, I have visions of cheese steaks dancing in my head. I can't wait!....The bus stops. I look out the window and we're right back at the bus stop. Nobody's quite sure why we're back again but things calm down when the bus driver lets a few more people on and starts the bus back up. We're on our way! Once again I have visions of cheese steaks dancing in my head as we make our way...right back to the bus stop. This time the bus erupts with complaints, threats and overall disdain.

Some of my favorites being:
"Ayo, Imma bout to chin check this dude if he don't stop playin' around"

"Yo, Son, just park the shit and save gas yo!"

and the winner by far:
"Ayo, stop playin' wit people's emotions, B!!!"

I assume whoever yelled out that last remark was SO excited to go to Philadelphia that he was brought to near tears by the bus driver's shenanigans.

The bus finally took off and for the most part the trip to Philly was uneventful aside from the expected boyfriend drama loudly discussed on a cell phone and pungent (insert ethnic food here) being eaten out of a styrofoam container.

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We rolled into town in about two hours and as I exited the bus, the embodiment of Philadelphia appeared before my eyes. The Bus driver and Jamaican man who had been at each other's throats a little while ago, are hugging and bidding each other farewell. I don't know what happened on that 2 hour ride between those two...I guess that's what happens when you enter The City Of Brotherly Love.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Friday, June 6, 2008

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Calculated Failure

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I got on the train today on the way to work, same as everyday. I'm leaning on the door and this girl is holding on to a near-by pole. She appears to be looking at a cellphone, but upon closer inspection she's using a calculator. I immediately ask "What are you, texting your accountant?"...she looks at me, kind of how you would look at a picture frame that's slightly tilted, then goes back to her calculator as if I never said anything....Ouch.

Game Over
LBD

So...where can I buy a car online?

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I guess the name says it all....it especially says there are some pretty unimaginative people out there starting websites.

Save The Date

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Monday, June 2, 2008