SnackWatch Issue 4 Vol. 3

The End Is Near
Ladies and Gentlemen, the snack world that we have come to know and love will never be the same again. There is actual fruit in the snack machine this week! I'm not sure who approved this, or what they're trying to pull, but this is going way beyond the line. Priced at $1.00, the DelMonte fruit cup is the snack machine's way of saying "The End Is Near!"

I predicted this would happen with the first sighting of a Nutrigrain bar. Little by little healthy snacks started to appear. Some trail mix would give way to Wheat Thins. Low Fat this and Sugar Free that. Before you know it you'll be pressing B-5 for a bushel of bananas.....B-5 people!!!!

Other than the inherent signs of dooms day appearing in the snack machine, all else is going well. This week saw the debut of Pop Tart toaster strudel($1.00) for those of you who like an international flair with your snack. The Oreo Cakesters are still holding strong at $1.25. Word around the office is that they're quite tasty. I won't find out how tasty they are until I get my annual raise...and steal a dollar from someone.

Those of you who like to slum it when it comes to snacks have a new choice in the ¢55 zone, Wise Nacho Twisters. These cheesy snacks are sure to satisfy your pre-lunch cravings. They'll also leave your keyboard covered in cheese dust, buyer beware! For those of you who don't like your snack to stain your office equipment there is still a wide variety of pretzels to be had in all shapes and sizes. Just be sure not to hit your head on the desk when you fall asleep while eating your precious pretzels...they are a BOR-ING snack!!!

SnackWatch Snack Pick Of The Week
This week I'm doing the unthinkable. My SnackWatch Snack Pick of the Week is not from our beloved snack machine. My co-worker brought in some left over Super Bowl goodies on Monday and I gorged myself on chocolate cake and cookies all week. The best part about it...It was all free, and nothing tastes better than a free snack. Lord knows I could use the spare change, after all...student loans don't pay for themselves.

SnackWatch Challenge
Name the only snack machine treat that doesn't have a vowel in it's name. Leave your answer in the comments section for your chance to win one SnackWatch dollar, redeemable at the snack machine of your choice.

Congrats to the winners of last issue's survey challenge.
Julie Murphy
May Burke
Julia Han

Click here to view the SnackWatch Reader Survey results.

Gotta Go Back In Time!

I saw this totally legit Delorian while out at lunch. Check out the full fledged Flux Capacitor!!! The driver was not amused when I asked him who would win next year's Super Bowl...He must be a Patriots Fan.

My Middle East Policy

With all this election less than a year away, a lot of issues facing America are being brought up. Healthcare and the economy are a couple of the major concerns being discussed, but my top priority is the situation in the Middle East. The Iraqi war is costing this country billions of dollars and Military strategists have failed at stopping insurgent fighters. Little did they now the answer has been in front of our faces for years...Trampolines!

As a young lad I would spend countless hours watching people seriously injure themselves on trampolines during America's Funniest Home Videos. Why do these people do this? Trampolines are irresistible, thats why! There's not one person in the world that can walk by a trampoline and not give it a go. If we spend a couple thousand dollars on scattering trampolines through out Iraqi war zones, the insurgents will do the job for us. How can they rebel against Coalition Forces with sprained backs and broken elbows?

Still not convinced? Check out this video of idiots on trampolines and see for yourself the damage that can be done.

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Faisel and his egg

This is Faisel, he's a convenience store owner in Manhattan, he collects Faberge Eggs in his spare time. This particular egg is Faisel's favorite. He calls it "Decadence".

Suck It Tom!

It's Friday!!!

Basketball Diaries Part I

So I've decided start playing basketball again a year after breaking my wrist...while playing basketball. Come along with me as I test my new wrist and sadly low amount of endurance on the basketball courts of New Jersey.

When I first arrived at the gym I was greeted with smiles from my teammates who hadn't seen me on the court in almost exactly a year. My return wasn't epic by any stretch of the imagination, it was kind of like seeing an acquaintance you hadn't seen in a while...who's name you're not quite sure of...oh yeah the wrist guy.

The night got off to a funny start when the team captain pulled me aside and notified me that I'd be "running the point". I couldn't help but laugh as I hadn't done anything resembling "running" in quite sometime. I imagined it would be more like "jogging the point" or "briskly walking the point". In any case it wasn't going to be pretty, especially since I was still breathing heavily from opening the door to the gym...It doesn't help to pull on the door when the handle clearly says "Push"

3 minutes to tip-off, its time for lay-up drills. These are always intense for me because I know the other team is watching to see who's a complete spazz and who knows how to play. After a few made lay-ups I'm feeling confident that I gave an impression of at least knowing the basics of the sport...I can't say the same for some of my new teammates. Just a side note–its never good to sweat as much as Patrick Ewing during layup drills...unless you're Patrick Ewing..and even then its still gross.

Game time! I'm in the starting line up, coach has no idea that I'm completely out of shape. Let's see if I last more than 2 minutes. I have 3 objectives during this game, none of which would ever show up in a stat sheet. 1)Do not hurt myself 2)Do not hurt myself 3)Do not hurt myself. Win or lose, if I can fulfill these three objectives I will be satisfied with my performance.

Through the first two minutes, my team is down by ten points, yet I remain injury free...get the champagne ready! My first few shots are way off and it feels like I'm running in quick sand. I imagine anyone observing this feels as if they're watching a drunken friend stumble out of a bar; funny at first but all in all very, very sad.

3 minutes gone by and my lungs actually detach from my body while I'm on the court. I raise my hand for a sub, collect my respiratory system from mid court and stumble towards the bench like a zombie in the Thriller video...I...Need...Water! I finish out the half with some pretty good cheers and advice for my teammates from the bench. My go-to statement while on the bench; "Good effort!!!"...when nothing else is going well, what else can you say? We finish the first half down 15 or 20, I'm not sure because my vision of the scoreboard is being blurred by sweat, and or tears.

Half time is about 3 minutes. Just enough time to come up with some destined to fail strategy and catch my breath from all that hard cheering while on the bench.

I start the second half and last about 5 minutes before my next substitution. Aside from a few ridiculous shots and child-like attempts at defense, I pride myself on the fact that I have yet to commit a turn-over. I sub out for a few minutes and the team makes a small come back, coincidence?, I think not. Going into the end of the second half my stat line looks something like this:

Minutes: 8 

Shots: 5 

Points: 0 

Assists:0

Mini-Heart attacks: 1

Turnovers:0

I check back into the game with about 2 minutes left. We're down by 20, so basically we're just trying to finish the game with some dignity. The other team's lead quickly jumps to 26 and our dignity goes out the window. Now we're just trying to get the hell outta the gym. 

As I watch the clock count down, a sense of accomplishment washes over me as I realize I'll end the game without committing a turnover. Just then the ball bounces in my direction and I turn into a bumbling fool. I grabbed at the ball and for some odd reason I think it's a good idea to start a fast break...well more of a slow, methodical break, but it's still a break. With the clock ticking down I spot my teammate out of the corner of my eye. I try my best Magic Johnson-esque no-look pass. 

As the ball sailed out of bounds, 5 feet above my intended target, my hopes of making a positive contribution during the game vanished. The buzzer sounded and my teammates and I kind of shrugged at each other and walked off the court. The post-game speech was short and we all ran off on our separate ways as if we were escaping the scene of a crime.

All I can say is, at least I didn't get hurt!

Next game in two weeks, stay tuned.

It's Friday!!!

Snoop Dogg and David Beckham To Collaborate On A Song

New Los Angeles BFFs Snoop Dogg and David Beckham are heading into the studio. The random duo became friends when Beckham moved to L.A. to play for the Galaxy soccer team and are now in talks to collaborate on a song in the near future. This duet should help Beckham expand the game of soccer to the hard to reach Los Angeles CRIPS market.

Here are a few possible track names:

- Gimmie Me Fish and Chips, Bitch

- Hoes, Weed, and Shin Guards

- Tea Time in the L.B.C.

Click Here to read the full story

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Ricardo

This is Richard, he prefers that you call him Ricardo...especially when he breaks out his pipe and Scorpio Gold Medallion. Look out ladies!