Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - NYC Cab Driver

This is Vlad, he's a New York City Cabbie. You can find him either talking on his hands free cell phone in a foreign language or hacking a loogie out the window of his cab. If you catch him on a good day, he might nod his head slightly when you tell him your destination.

Lost Superbowl Ad for Dove Soap

Tragedy!!!! and, oh yeah...its Thanksgiving

I saw this newspaper at a 7-Eleven. Are death and destruction more important than Happy Holiday wishes? Who ever is running this paper is one Morbid M-F'er

Happy Thanksgetting

Why is it that Black Friday sales keep starting earlier and earlier? Last year, "Door Buster" sales started at 5 A.M., this year, everybody is advertising sales starting at 4 A.M.. At this pace, in a few years, Black Friday sales will start somewhere in between the Candied Yams and my Grandfather unbuttoning his pants on the couch. Maybe we should skip Thanksgiving dinner all together and just wait in line at Wal Mart to save $20 on a laptop.

Proteck Ya Neck!

If your family is like mine, after Thanksgiving dinner, each family member says what he/she is thankful for. The obvious answer is always “Family” or “Health”...but that’s too easy. I thought I’d list some of the more overlooked things to be thankful for.

Anti-Smoking Laws:
While I personally don't care what someone does to their own health, I do care about smoking's effect on ME. I'm not even talking about the major issues like second hand smoke...or even third hand (I've never seen this done, but I assume there's a way). Smoking used to affect me most when it was allowed in bars and clubs. Now that its banned, I don’t smell like The Marlboro Man’s ass when I get home from going out. Another plus of the smoking ban is that I can wear that same outfit to church on Sunday morning that I was wearing while rubbing up on some hoochie on Saturday night...Praise the Lord!

Getting Older:
More specifically being above the legal drinking age. I remember all the “creative” and “smart” ways my friends and I used to either get alcohol, or get into somewhere alcohol was being served(Why would an Indian kid have a Vermont driver’s license?). We take it for granted now that we’re “of age”. I remember hearing the Mission Impossible theme in my head every time my friends and I hatched some crazy scheme to score some booze....Is anybody else in the mood for some Boone’s Farms Strawberry Malt Wine?

Remote Control:
There’s only one thing I love more than watching TV, and that’s being lazy. Whoever invented the remote control should be canonized as a saint. I can’t imagine having to get up and walk to the television every time I wanted to change the channel. That’s at least 3 or 4 feet...which doesn’t seem like much, but when you add it up over your life time, its long enough to walk to the moon and back (don’t quote me on that). Now if they could only invent a voice command remote control, we could get all that tedious button pushing out of the way.

Top 3 Unintentionally Funny Movie Moments

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Indian ESPN Analyst

This is Sandabar Paravishnu, the first Indian ESPN Analyst. He's mostly seen on ESPN 9, covering Cricket games and Kabaddi (Don't know what Kabaddi is? Click on the image above to find out)

Gov't Tax Probing Derek Jeter

New York-- The New York State Government is after Derek Jeter for money owed in back taxes. Jeter wrongfully claimed Florida residency when he actually spends most of his time in New York. Florida residents don't have to pay income tax. The suit could possibly cost Jeter millions.

Damn Derek, you better hit up your boyfriend A-Rod for some cash.

SnackWatch Issue 1 Vol. 3

So, where was I...?

SnackWatch is back and more mediocre than ever! Its been a while, and there have been lots of new and exciting changes in Snack land, so let's get this show on the road.

NEW ZONES!
First and foremost the biggest change to our beloved snack machine has been the sky rocketing prices. Long gone are the days where two quarters and a dream could buy you a tasty snack and an excuse to walk away from your desk.
The prices have been re-zoned my friends so you better get familiar with it...and take out a loan.

¢55 cent zone:
Various chips, pretzels ect.
This is good for those on an intern's or entry level salary, venturing to any higher zones could force you to wear dirty underwear due to lack of laundry quarters. This zone is also a safe haven for pretzel lovers. There are now 5 different variations of pretzels in the snack machine, varying from classic, to stick, nugget, and even jumbo form. Those pretzel engineers in Germany have WAY too much time on their hands.

¢80/¢85 cent zones:
Candy, "Healthy" snacks, Combos
Mostly managers and embezzlers frequent this zone. If you happen to be cursed with a sweet tooth, you better start putting in some overtime. The price jump from ¢75 to ¢80/¢85 has hit all the chocolate fiends pretty hard. No wonder there have been several beatings reported in and around the snack machine area lately. If you're considering skipping lunch, you might find something to hold you over until dinner here.

$1.00/$1.25 zone:
Microwavable items, large baked goods, gourmet chips, Random
If you're not the CEO of the company, your eyes will start burning should you dare to look at any of these pricey snacks. Most days I don't even spend $1.25 on lunch, let alone a snack, but that's the beauty of this otherwise bankrupting zone...you can actually purchase lunch worthy food here! $1.25 can transport you back to your college freshman days...Rhamen noodles anyone? How about some Chef Boyardee? All I need is a black light and lava lamp at my desk and I'm set.

SNACKWATCH SNACK PICK OF THE WEEK
With all the shake-ups going on in the Snack world, its been hard to find a new favorite. These days snacks come and go like Britney Spears meltdowns. Long gone are the days of White Cheddar Cheeze-Its. As of late I've come to rely on something saltier and greasier to get me through that pre-lunch/post-breakfast purgatory...Cape Cod chips! Some say 11AM is too early to eat greasy chips...I say, screw that, I'm hungry!!!

SNACKWATCH CHALLENGE
In honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, leave a comment telling me what snack you are most thankful for and why. The best 5 responses will win a ¢50 SnackWatch gift certificate to the snack machine of your choice...And yes, I know the cheapest snacks in the machine are ¢55 now...but who am I, Bill Gates??

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this dumb-ass news letter, send an email to ddacosta1@gmail.com

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