Happy Monday

Oh, You Fancy, Huh?

Ooohh La-La, I guess rich people get their bargains at the $39 Dollar Store.

Part Of This Complete Breakfast

I'm not quite sure when Chocolate Banana Splits became standard breakfast fare, but the box says its a good source of Vitamins and Minerals so it can't be THAT bad for you......right?

It's Friday!!

Truth In Advertising

Judging by the visual aid used to illustrate their "100% Natural" claim, it looks like the owner of this fruit smoothie cart has a thing or two to learn about truth in advertising.

Happy Monday

The Gift That Keeps On Giving....Nightmares

This crazy looking candelabra is a sure fire way to freak out children and adults of all ages.

Lock It Up

There's going to be a really happy unicyclist or really sad bicyclist returning to this locked up wheel.

Say Cheese!

It's Friday!!

Even Our Animals Are Spoiled

Yet another reason for people to hate America. You know there's a problem when our dogs eat better than most people around the world.

Know Your Market

The other day I noticed the DVD guy outside my office was selling this Indiana Pacers Greatest Games DVD. Trying to sell this DVD in NYC is about as easy as selling a Hitler's Greatest Hits DVD in Israel ...it ain't happening.

Hey Pacers fans, how's that Greatest Games Vol. 2 coming along? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Spring Jamboree

http://belmontloungenyc.com/

Total Recall Vs. RoboCop 2 and The Life Lesson Learned

The other day while I was watching TV, the not so classic Arnold Schwarzenegger Sci-Fi thriller "Total Recall" came on. Whenever I see Total Recall or hear it mentioned, I remember the life lesson I learned from watching it 20 years ago.



Back in '90 I was 10 years old, and a HUGE RoboCop fan. I some how got my hands on a VHS copy of RoboCop and watched it any chance I had. I loved ALL things RoboCop. I would draw him, I had the RobCop game on Commodore 64, and I even loved my Uncle's Ford Taurus, because that's the car that RoboCop drove in the movie.



So, when I heard that RoboCop 2 was coming out in theaters, It was no surprise to my family that I wanted to see it. Luckily my Uncle Ralphie promised to take me....that day he became my favorite Uncle.

As the movie opening got closer, I got more and more excited. "How could they top the original Robocop?" I wondered. More Explosions? More Ford Taurus'? More baby food? I truly couldn't wait to see this movie.



when the day came to head to the theater, Uncle Ralphie broke my heart with the news that RoboCop 2 got terrible reviews (after watching the trailer again those bad reviews probably makes sense). How could it be? All the anticipation dashed with 2 thumbs down? I was so bummed out.

My Uncle suggested that we go see the new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie TOTAL RECALL instead. I loved Arnold since the Commando days. I even got the Commando flat top hair cut in grade school, but I didn't know anything about Total Recall and I was still consumed by the whole RoboCop 2 idea.

Uncle Ralphie convinced me that Total Recall would be fine, so I sucked it up and begrudgingly trusted his advice...Damn I REALLY wanted to see RoboCop 2

Most of Total Recall was a blur to me. Off hand I recall some cool effects and weird aliens here and there, but one particular scene changed my life forever.

"The scene with the 3 titties". Yup thats right. Ask any guy and that's the only scene they'll remember from Total Recall. In the scene, Arnold approaches a woman at a bar and she opens her shirt to reveal not one, not two, but THREE boobs.



You have to understand, I was 10 years old at the time and I had never seen a boob in my life....so to go from 0 to 3 in one fell swoop was phenomenal. Add to that the fact that they were on the big screen, so they were at least 6 feet tall each....THREE. GIANT. BOOBS.

To a 10 year old boy, seeing boobs is like the ultimate...Or at least to me it was. I couldn't wait to tell all my friends at school, they'd all be SO jealous. Total Recall made me grow from a boy to a man...well, a young man.

I realize that I may come across as some sort of pervy loser in this little manifesto, but looking back I realize I learned a valuable life lesson that day. I was so consumed with RoboCop 2 and was so crushed when I realized I wouldn't be able to see it. But the Total Recall alternative opened my eyes to a whole new world of wonderment and endless possibility.

So in closing I'd like to say that sometimes in life your path may change from where you want it to go, but remember, the alternate path may have 3 huge titties waiting for you in the end...Metaphoric titties of course.

Who Is This Guy?

Now, you may look at this picture and think..wow that guy looks hilarious....and you'd be right. But get this, his name is ROB HOAR...and he works for COXSACKIE Transport.

Don't believe me? CLICK HERE

Crate Diggin'

While perusing the music selection at a garage sale, I came across this CD. Sadly for Stylz and The J.I.Z., I'm pretty sure the party didn't last All Nite.

It's Friday!!

It's All Relative

Last Supper Gets Super Sized

According to a Cornell University study published in the International Journal of Obesity, food portions in depictions of the Last Supper painted over the past 1,000 years have increased. The study points to increases in the production, availability, safety, abundance and affordability of food.

Click Here for the full Story

Lets Get Douchey

Dwight Howard to agent: "We've gotta find a way to "Douche Up" my image"

Agent to Dwight Howard: "I've got the perfect sponsor"

and....scene.

Worst T-Shirt Graphic Ever

What happens when you combine 2 really popular T-shirt catch phrases? One STUPID shirt.

Awkward Moments Let You Know You're Alive

Before the advent of digital cable, the only way to see what other shows were on TV was to watch the scrolling channel guide. Waiting for your favorite channels to scroll through was always the worst part of the channel guide.

While watching TV with Mom, the waiting became painfully awkward when the porn channels scrolled though. Imagine simultaneously reading the title "Slutty Sex Fiends 16" with Mom.....AWKWARD. Thank God for digital cable

There's Gotta Be A Better Way

There's gotta be a better way to make 7 dollars.

Happy Monday

A Random Google Image Drawing

Every once in a while I like to get lost on the internet and search images in Google. This time I figured I'd try my hand at drawing an image that caught my eye.

Truth In Advertising

I drank this soda and got a boner.

RIP BIG

Now That's Just Plain Lazy

While checking out at Duane Reade the other day, I noticed the latest issue of Cosmo in the magazine rack. NO I don't read Cosmo, but I was shocked at how lazy the copy editors have gotten. It seems like they just gave up and said "FUCK IT...these articles are all the same anyway."

Tilikum The Killer Whale's Interogation

$24,000 Gandhi Pen? Makes Perfect Sense

Luxury pen maker, Montblanc, has come under scrutiny for producing a pen with the likeness of the revered Indian spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi. The gold and silver limited edition pen is said to be contradictory to Gandhi's simple life style. There is currently a court battle to put a stop to the distribution of the $24,000 pen.

Meanwhile the 26-inch Mother Theresa commemorative rims are garnering little if any media attention at all.

It's Friday!!

Who Is This Guy?

Moment Of Clarity

I use Facebook just as much as the next guy, but with the recent addition of a "TOP NEWS" link on the home page, I came to the realization that FB is a huge time waster. Are pork chops REALLY worthy of being categorized as "TOP NEWS" if so...my life is pathetic.


I'd write more on this subject... but I have to go update my status.

ALL DAY, ALL DAY, ALL DAY

Just got some ALL DAY buttons made, cuz "ALL DAY" is the new "HELL YES".

If you see me, ask me for one. If you don't know me...buy some here

Ad You Missed During The Superbowl

Let's Get Physical

It's never a good thing when the elliptical gives you this message while you're working out.

Have An Action-Packed Valentines Day!!!

With Valentine's Day only a few weeks away, why not impress that special someone in your life with either of these V-Day card sets? Remember, nothing says "I Love You" better than Ninjas, Machine Gun wielding soldiers, or transforming robots.

You're bound to get your Valentine's heart a-fluttering with the romantic messages on these cards.

No Accounting For Taste

Why would anyone admit to HAVING naked pictures of Greg Oden? Dude looks like one of those old tree-men from Lord Of The Rings


Click Here for the full story.

Who Took This Picture?

Have you ever seen a picture with this many insignificant people in it at the same time? I sure hope not. If I were in a club that Ja Rule, Vanilla Ice and Suge Knight were all in at the same time, I wouldn't want any physical evidence that I was there as well.

Happy Friday!!!

Dirty Sanchez T-Shirt

Just in time for the NFL Playoffs, comes THE DIRTY SANCHEZ T SHIRT. Support your favorite Mexican quarterback in style.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

The Internet Is Racist!

Please note the above image was NOT altered in any way.

While registering for a website, I came to the security check at the end of the registration form. What are the odds that ME a Puerto Rican would receive the image above as the "random" security words? NOT LIKELY...

What are the odds that this has happened to me before? IMPOSSIBLE

In conclusion, the internet is racist. Thank you and good day.

A Throne Fit For A King

And where can you find such regal home furnishings??? QUEENS of course!

Thanks A Lot Shaq

It looks like Cleveland Caveliers Center Shaquille O'Neil has taken to leaving the streets strewn with his used condoms. What a disregard for human life and decency!


Click here to find out whats REALLY going on in the picture above

Happy Monday