Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Total Recall Vs. RoboCop 2 and The Life Lesson Learned


The other day while I was watching TV, the not so classic Arnold Schwarzenegger Sci-Fi thriller "Total Recall" came on. Whenever I see Total Recall or hear it mentioned, I remember the life lesson I learned from watching it 20 years ago.

Back in '90 I was 10 years old, and a HUGE RoboCop fan. I some how got my hands on a VHS copy of RoboCop and watched it any chance I had. I loved ALL things RoboCop. I would draw him, I had the RobCop game on Commodore 64, and I even loved my Uncle's Ford Taurus, because that's the car that RoboCop drove in the movie.


So, when I heard that RoboCop 2 was coming out in theaters, It was no surprise to my family that I wanted to see it. Luckily my Uncle Ralphie promised to take me....that day he became my favorite Uncle.

As the movie opening got closer, I got more and more excited. "How could they top the original Robocop?" I wondered. More Explosions? More Ford Taurus'? More baby food? I truly couldn't wait to see this movie.

when the day came to head to the theater, Uncle Ralphie broke my heart with the news that RoboCop 2 got terrible reviews (after watching the trailer again those bad reviews probably makes sense). How could it be? All the anticipation dashed with 2 thumbs down? I was so bummed out.

My Uncle suggested that we go see the new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie TOTAL RECALL instead. I loved Arnold since the Commando days. I even got the Commando flat top hair cut in grade school, but I didn't know anything about Total Recall and I was still consumed by the whole RoboCop 2 idea.

Uncle Ralphie convinced me that Total Recall would be fine, so I sucked it up and begrudgingly trusted his advice...Damn I REALLY wanted to see RoboCop 2

Most of Total Recall was a blur to me. Off hand I recall some cool effects and weird aliens here and there, but one particular scene changed my life forever.

"The scene with the 3 titties". Yup thats right. Ask any guy and that's the only scene they'll remember from Total Recall. In the scene, Arnold approaches a woman at a bar and she opens her shirt to reveal not one, not two, but THREE boobs.

You have to understand, I was 10 years old at the time and I had never seen a boob in my life....so to go from 0 to 3 in one fell swoop was phenomenal. Add to that the fact that they were on the big screen, so they were at least 6 feet tall each....THREE. GIANT. BOOBS.

To a 10 year old boy, seeing boobs is like the ultimate...Or at least to me it was. I couldn't wait to tell all my friends at school, they'd all be SO jealous. Total Recall made me grow from a boy to a man...well, a young man.

I realize that I may come across as some sort of pervy loser in this little manifesto, but looking back I realize I learned a valuable life lesson that day. I was so consumed with RoboCop 2 and was so crushed when I realized I wouldn't be able to see it. But the Total Recall alternative opened my eyes to a whole new world of wonderment and endless possibility.

So in closing I'd like to say that sometimes in life your path may change from where you want it to go, but remember, the alternate path may have 3 huge titties waiting for you in the end...Metaphoric titties of course.


Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you. Robocop was the shit, dude had a big ass gun that comes out of his thigh and he fought other robots that used crack as a fuel source that is hard to top.

But 3 titties are hard to top man, that was the day you became a man wasn't it? lol.

You've inspired me to blog now.

Anonymous said...

haha! Finally read this at work....good stuff.

It was also nice to catch up on your blog.

fixed gear said...

Robocop was the shit, dude had a big ass gun that comes out of his thigh and he fought other robots that used crack as a fuel source that is hard to top.