Happy Monday

Not So Fast, Sticky Fingers!

Mumbai, India: Police have arrested a Mumbai man for trying to sell stolen samples from the sperm bank where he worked.

The man, identified as Sunil Mohite, tried to sell 101 vials of stolen sperm to a Mumbai doctor. The doctor declined to purchase the precious cargo and contacted police.

What do you do with 101 vials of stolen Indian sperm when nobody wants to buy it? Nasty!

Click here for the full story.

It's Friday!!!

Who Is This Guy?

Woah, take it easy there Muscles. Is that the trophy you get for winning the Douche Bag Olympics? Do you always take that to the beach with you? Find out the answers to those fascinating questions and more by Clicking here.

Jesus Is My Co-Pilot

Miami, Fl. The streets of Florida are about to be hit with some controversy. Florida Representative Edward Bullard is proposing to have a pro-Christian license plate produced. This would be the first religious themed plate used in the State. Some opposed to the plate say that it could open the door for other groups to have their own plates, including Cults and the KKK.

Click here to view the opposition's custom license plate.

Click here for the full story.

Happy Monday

1, 2, 3, Sins, You're Out!

Pope Benedict XVI will be saying mass at Yankee Stadium this weekend. There's no doubt, The House That Ruth Built is a unusual locale for a Mass. Here are a few things you might expect to see if you go this Sunday.

1) #1 Jesus foam finger

2) Vendors yelling "Ice cold communion juice here! Getcha Communion Juice!"

3) The 7th sermon stretch

4) The crowd starting a "Let's Go Jesus!" cheer

5) Derek Jeter dressed as an altar boy

It's Friday!!!

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Ned The Weirdo

This is Ned The Weirdo. All of the characters I draw are weird, but this guy takes the cake. I have no idea why he's wearing a surgical glove on his head, or why he's holding the whistle that way. Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable to look at this for too long. What do you think?

Happy Monday

Why Didn't I Think Of That?

Nothing makes board games a snooze like sensible, easy to hold dice. My friends and I always wish we could use a board game related hernia as an excuse to call out of work.

Well, that day has come! Finally a company makes a product with the people in mind. According to Wowcoolstuff.com these huge dice are a "sure crowd pleaser". I'd say they're right by the looks of the Angela Bower-esque spokesmodel above.

Click here to find out more.

Who Is This Guy?

While randomly searching images on Google, I came across our patriotic friend here. What's his name? What does he do? Where does he do it? Click here to find out more...turns out he might be the nicest guy in the world.

SnackWatch Issue 5 Vol. 3

Spring is in the air. The birds are chirping , the bees are buzzing, and the desk jockeys are snacking. I'm here to let you know what snacks are hot or not for the Spring snacking season.

Whats New?
As we all know, the snack machine has been going through some growing pains lately. With prices soaring and "healthy snacks" popping up everywhere, its nice to see a new snack arrive and remind us why we all started snacking in the first place.

Dirty Chips are the new darling of the snack machine (In my eyes at least). The hefty $1.00 price tag might scare some people away, but trust me when I say...you get what you pay for. At a whopping $1.25 per bag in stores across the city, Dirty Chips come at a bargain price in our benevolent snack machine. What makes these chips so great? They cook them in cholesterol free peanut oil, which gives them more crunch than any other chip...in the world, Yeah I said it, THE WORLD. Now, I'm not saying I'd give up my first born child for a bag of Dirty Chips, but I'd definitely consider it if I were hungry enough.

As I said before, the snack machine has been going through some growing pains lately. For every step in a good direction, we seem to take two steps back ( Thanks, Paula Abdul). The arrival of Chocolate Skittles sent shock waves through the snacking community. Some people, myself included, didn't know what to make of such an unorthodox snack. Is it fruity? Is it chocolaty? How could two different candy flavors exist peacefully in such a tiny bag? I made sure to steer clear of the Chocolate Skittles, and none of my snacking constituents tried them either. If there's someone out there bold enough to try such a mind boggling snack, please tell me and the SnackWatch readers of your experience.

Signs From Above
No matter what your personal beliefs, every once in a while something happens that lets us know there is a higher power out there. Shooting Stars, Aurora Borealis, America's Next Top Model marathons...you know what I'm talking about. Well, this week another phenomena occurred that can only be explained as being caused by the hand of God...I'm talking about a 2 for 1 snack. When I saw it, I couldn't believe it. A bag of Cheeze-Its resting on top of a bag of Sour Cream & Onion chips. Two of my favorite snacks in a compromising position...and I took advantage. Stories have been told of 2 for 1 snacks, but it hasn't been chronicled until NOW (Click here to see the snack phenonmenon).

Thanks to Christine Spataro (Fellow 2 for 1 snack receiver) for taking the pics.

SnackWatch Challenge
What's your Candy IQ? Answer this question and test your snack knowledge(or ability to quickly look up facts on the Internet). Leave your answer in the comments section for your chance to win one SnackWatch dollar, redeemable at the snack machine of your choice.

What candy bar was named after its inventor's family horse?
A: Snickers B: Almond Joy C: Fast Break D: Baby Ruth

Congrats to the winner of last issue's SnackWatch Challenge
Damian Nash

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this dumb-ass newsletter, send an email to ddacosta1@gmail.com

It's Friday!!!

Submitted by IGOR GLUSHKIN

Bad Kids Plot To Kidnap 3rd Grade Teacher

WAYCROSS, Georgia - A group of crazed third graders were nabbed in a plot to kidnap their teacher. The plan probably would've worked if Little Billy wasn't such a tattle tale! Click here for the rest of the story.

Random Facts From The NBA

With the NBA playoffs around the corner I thought I'd share some random facts to keep the casual fan interested.

1. Jason Kidd has the ugliest son in the NBA


2. Sam Cassell looks like E.T.


3. Manu Ginobili is really Balky Bartochomus (Bronson Pinchot) from the show Perfect Strangers


4. The Dallas Mavericks' coach Avery Johnson is a distant relative of the GEICO lizard


5. Rasheed Wallace has horrible breath


6. Shaq has a HUGE cock

Weirdo Drawing Of The Week - Dale Loves Ice Cream

This is Dale and he loooooooooves his ice cream. The last time someone tried to come in between him and his ice cream, they left with severe injuries. Don't let the Hindenburg Disaster t-shirt fool you. This guy means business.

Worst Gift EVER

What is the thought process when buying something like this?

"Hmmm, I love horses, and I love dogs, but I can't seem to find something that expresses both sentiments while taking up as little space on my mantle as possible".